Zen Thoughts For Those Who Take Life Too Seriously

Something sent to me recently:
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ZEN THOUGHTS FOR THOSE WHO TAKE LIFE TOO SERIOUSLY
(According to Stephen Wright)

1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

2. A day without sunshine is like -- night.

3. On the other hand, you have different
fingers.

4. I just got lost in thought. It wasn't familiar
territory.

5. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on
the spot.

6. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad
name.

7. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel
universe.

8. Honk if you love peace and quiet.

9. Remember, half the people you know
are below average.

10. He who laughs last, didn't get the joke.

11. Depression is merely anger without
enthusiasm.

12. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

13. I drive way too fast to worry about
cholesterol.

14. Support bacteria. They're the only culture
some people have.

15. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of
your week.

16. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a
bad memory.

17. Change is inevitable, except from vending
machines.

18. Get a new car for your spouse. It'll be a
great trade!

19. Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

20. Always try to be modest, and be proud of
it!

21 If you think nobody cares, try missing a
couple of payments.

22. How many of you believe in psychokinesis?
Raise my hand....

23. OK, so what's the speed of dark?

24. How do you tell when you're out of
invisible ink?

25. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

26. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

27. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness
pays off now.

28. Everyone has a photographic memory.
Some just don't have film.

29. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have
to buy her friends?

30. How much deeper would the ocean be
without sponges?

31. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get
sucked into jet engines.

32. What happens if you get scared half to
death twice?

33. I used to have an open mind but my
brains kept falling out.

34. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made
your horn louder.

35. Why do psychics have to ask you for your
name?

36. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened.

37. Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
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